Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Fog

I have a long-term memory disorder.  I was hit by a car when I was 12 years old, and at the time, I was diagnosed with nothing more than a concussion.  Frankly, it was a stone-cold miracle that I could have done so much damage to a white Mercedes with my head and not died.  It is, indeed, one fiercely heavy, thick-boned skull, I grant that.

Unfortunately, that concussion affected that part of my brain that deals directly with long-term memories.  As a result, I can retain information about people so long as those people stay in my life or I'm reminded of them in context.  You can't show me a photo of someone I haven't spoken to in years and expect me to know that person.

It's pretty sad, actually.  I get the sense that I've lost a lot of my own history, that important memories of people, places, and events keep slipping away.  It's going to make for one hell of an old-age ennui.

Right now, however, I'm feeling the worst of it.  I've returned to work at a company that I'd left about 12 years ago.  There are people here that remember me from that time.  They greet me in the halls and ask me if I remember them.  I don't.  It's not their fault, and it's not really mine, it's just frustrating, embarrassing, and totally awful.

So -- if you are one of those people, please don't take my blank-eyed stare as an opinion of your worth in my life.  It's just a broken group of brain cells.  Them's the breaks.  No hard feelings, huh?


1 comment:

  1. I have been thinking about this since you posted it. Thinking all of the stuff that I'm certain you have told before. Write it down, caption photographs all that stuff that doesn't really constitute memory aaannnd- you've heard it all before. so then I though this:

    How about if I always remember you? My never met (for now) ever remembered extra added little girl- cyber sister to my own darling girl.

    Also I could poke you and say "hey! It's just me...not to worry."